It might happen at a meeting
They are your neighbors, your friends, your coworkers. They go to your gym. They shop at your grocery store. They are the women you see every day who seem to have it all. So why are they cheating? Statistics tell us that 65 percent of married women cheat – but what does that really mean? Author Diane Shader Smith was invited on the “Today” show to talk about her book, “Undresssing Infidelity: Why More Wives Are Unfaithful,” where she reveals the fascinating results of her research and provides an up-close-and-personal look inside the marriages and affairs of 12 women – from Midwestern moms to Manhattan execs – who chose to cheat. Here’s an excerpt:
No one sat with me before my wedding and had the talk. The talk where your mom, or your big sis, or your shrink says:
You’re about to marry a man who is good-looking, and tall, and kind, and smart, and he’s going to be dedicated to the welfare of your children, and he’s going to do everything he’s supposed to do, and he’s going to do it on time, and he’s going to show up to your marriage every single day and every single night.
But you know what? One day you’re going to be in the supermarket and you’re going to accidentally bump into a can that’s going to topple a whole stack of other cans and you’re going to squat down and pick them up, and there’s going to be a man helping you because it’s such a mess. And he’s going to smile at you, and you’re going to smile back. And it’s going to feel really good.
Or you’ll be having some work done on your home and the contractor will be with you every day. One day he’ll walk through your kitchen and see that you’re growing African violets on the windowsill and he’ll bend over to look at the flowers up close and he’ll tell you they’re really pretty. Those flowers are important to you. You’ve put a lot of time and effort into them. But nobody has ever noticed those flowers. Not your kids, not your husband. But the contractor does.
I began asking questions: Are there any circumstances that would justify an affair?
You make a comment and a coworker says, Wow, good idea. hookupdate.net/pl/quickflirt-recenzja/ I never even thought of that. You feel validated. Camaraderie at work is very seductive. You might be lured by a scent, a glance, a smile, or a remark. You don’t dare acknowledge what’s happening, or it will stir up feelings – feelings you never expected to have after you walked down the aisle.
I’ve been married for sixteen years to a man who is loving, intelligent, kind, and handsome – a man who doesn’t deserve to be cheated on. But through a series of events, I found myself dangerously attracted to another man.
Because of my own mixed feelings of attraction, guilt, and longing, I became fascinated by in the inner workings of extramarital affairs. Are there men who deserve to be cheated on? What if your husband cheats first? What if your emotional needs aren’t being met, or the passion is totally gone? Is having an affair equivalent to marital suicide? I realized that to get the answers I wanted, I didn’t need to talk to a shrink or read a self-help book – I needed to talk to the women who had done it. I wanted to know what these women gave up, what they’d gained, and if they would do it again.